Feel me with your heart
by aKiMOToMiHAru
Summary: Story based on chapter 423 of BLEACH. Ichigo lost his powers and couldn't see Rukia anymore. Rukia secretly visits but was caught off-guard. IchiRuki rated M for a reason.


**Author's notes:** This fanfic is based off chapter 423 of BLEACH. I was really sad after reading that chapter… How can Kubo sensei do that! Just kidding. Since there will be NO BLEACH for two weeks (which makes that chapter even depressing), I decided to quickly write a fanfic about Ichigo and Rukia before BLEACH continues.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own BLEACH.

**WARNING:** This story is rated **M** for a reason. Don't read if you don't like this kind of stories.

* * *

Kurosaki Ichigo lied on his bed, arms behind his orange head. He stretched his right hand in front, clenched his fist and opened it. He was no longer a _shinigami_ and he no longer had any spiritual powers. It was strange for him to not feel anything at all. He had been able to see spirits for so long that he had no memories of not seeing them at all and now, he was not used to being just a normal human being.

It had been a week since he woke up. It had been a week since he lost his spiritual powers. It had been a week since he last saw spirits. It had been a week since he last saw…Rukia.

Yes.

Rukia.

Kuchiki Rukia.

The black-haired _shinigami_ who gave him her _shinigami_ powers to save his family. The _shinigami_ who quarrels with him. The _shinigami_ who beats him into shape.

After Rukia disappeared out of his sight that day, he went back into his house with his friends, Inoue Orihime, Ishida Uryu and Sado Yasutora whom Ichigo calls as Chad. They nodded to Rukia, what it seemed to Ichigo as he couldn't see her anymore, before following him into the house. Then it had been normal school days for him. He had explained everything to Arisawa Tatsuki, Kojima Mizuiro and Asano Keigo about Rukia, _shinigami_ and hollows. It hadn't been easy since there was really too much to talk about.

Kon slept soundly inside his closet. He had been sleeping in there ever since Ichigo woke up that day. Kon hadn't been a nuisance so far. He didn't even whine about '_Nee-san_' at all although they still quarreled over little stuff. Ichigo knew Kon was trying not to remind him of _shinigami_ and Ichigo knew Kon missed Rukia a lot.

He slightly shifted his body so that he faced the window beside his bed. The moon shone brightly in the sky, illuminating his room. The moon reminded him of Rukia. The softness of the light unlike the strong sun reminded him of Rukia's gentleness at times. The way it hung there in the night reminded him of how Rukia gave him hope every time despair engulfed him. There were a few occasions when he didn't see Rukia, but none of them made him felt this lonely. Maybe it was because he knew that he would not be able to see her anymore, forever. Deep in his heart, he hoped that there would be some kind of method or miracle to recover his powers, so he would be able to protect the ones he loved once again. It was making him feel powerless, just like he felt before he met her.

Ichigo sat up abruptly and went over to his desk. Picking up a textbook, he started studying again. He had had difficulty sleeping ever since he lost his powers. He had also wondered if anybody came to visit him at all since he wouldn't know too. If Rukia saw him in this state, she would probably hit him in the head. Thinking about that, he chuckled.

"Rukia…" He sighed.

He opened the top drawer of his desk and picked up a piece of paper. It was the paper that Rukia left for him and Kon when she was trying not to get caught by the _shinigami_ who were searching for her. There was a raccoon like figure at the bottom right of the paper which was the clue to solve the puzzle she created in the note. The orange-haired smirked when he saw the drawing. He would criticize every time Rukia drew something, but now he thought the drawing looked cute.

"_NEE-SAN_!"

Ichigo bolted abruptly off his chair.

"DON'T GO, _NEE-SA-_!"

He twisted around to find Kon lying on the floor. Something invisible seems to be squashing him.

"AHHH~ It has been so long~ Such a nice feeling being squashed~" Kon exclaimed.

"R-Rukia?" Ichigo stuttered. _'How long have she been here? Did she see what I was doing?'_ he wondered.

A piece of paper was lifted off the floor and it took the orange head a while before he realized that it was the paper that he was holding on. Kon had surprised him so much that he didn't even notice the paper fell off the desk in his hurry. He stared as the paper stopped in midair, in an angle like it was being read. He can't help but blush in embarrassment. Kon jumped up after the invisible force removed from his head.

"_NEE-SAN_!" Kon flew towards the air and hung there. He seemed to be held on the head in Ichigo's view. "Ah, I'm sorry… But I really missed _Nee-san_ so I couldn't help it."

Ichigo wished he could hear what she said.

Kon dropped on to the floor and walked towards Ichigo's direction. Ichigo stood there dumbfounded until he heard something moving on his desk. His eyes followed the pen moving on his textbook before the textbook flew in his face. He caught it and read the words on the top left.

_Long time no see, Ichigo._

Ichigo eyes widened at that. He didn't know what he was shocked about but he knew he seemed both blind and not blind at the same time, although he was still deaf. Then Kon's voice exploded into his ear, "HEY! ICHIGO! Say something! Don't just stand there like an idiot!" Well, he wasn't totally deaf.

"SHUT UP, KON! I'm NOT deaf!" Ichigo yelled.

Kon crossed his fluffy arms. "Well, you look like you are!"

"AM NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

"AM NOT!"

"I-!" Kon stopped suddenly as he was picked up roughly by Ichigo and was thrown out of the window. "AHHH! _NEE-SAN_~!" He screamed and his voice faded out. Ichigo sighed heavily after slamming the window shut and tugging the curtains. He froze when he remembered that Rukia was in his room.

"L-Long time no…see, Rukia. If you are still here." Ichigo managed, scanning in the direction of his desk. He thought 'see' wasn't really applicable to his current situation.

The book was snatched from him and Rukia wrote something longer.

Tawakke_! Have you lost your communication skills!_

Ichigo winced at that sentence as he thought of how Rukia would sound like.

_I don't want to disturb you. I should go now._

"Don't go!" Ichigo immediately cried in the direction where he thought she was. He paused before continuing, "Are…are you really Rukia?"

Then he felt a punch in his face and flew on to his bed. The orange head rubbed his face as he struggled to get up. "What the-!" He quickly halted as he saw the book approaching his face.

BAKAMONO_! Do you really think that I am someone else? _

Ichigo gave an annoyed face, looking to the side. "How would I know? I can't see or sense you, how am I supposed to know?"

'_And I feel like I am talking to myself right now!'_ Ichigo screamed in his mind. Why couldn't he make sure? He wouldn't know whether somebody was trying to trick him right now! And the orange head earned himself a smack in the head. "OW!"

TAWAKKE_! How stupid can you be?_

Ichigo was getting more frustrated right now. "What the hell do you know? You aren't the one talking to air!" He growled and earned another punch in the head. "Stop it, Rukia!"

The book was slammed on his bed and Ichigo's head was forced to lower down to read the words.

_Sight and spiritual presence aren't the only way to see a person! If you can't see, feel! If you can't feel, search for presence! Not spiritual presence! But the presence of that person! Use your heart to reach the other's heart!_

Ichigo digested the words, closed his eyes and slammed his face in the book.

He knew it was Rukia. He knew it all along. He knew it deep in his heart it was her. He was blinded by sight. He was handicapped by his powers. And he needed her to teach him again. He felt so stupid.

Rukia had loosened her grip on his head for a while. She had been peering at him and even called him even though she knew he couldn't hear. But he didn't move. She wondered if her attacks have been too brutal on him so she reached out to touch his head to see if he was fine. She was shocked when Ichigo grabbed her wrist.

"Ichigo," she called out in response.

"Rukia…" Ichigo called, as if he had heard his name. He slowly lifted his head and faced to the left side of his bed, where Rukia stood. There was a moment of silence before he continued, "Can I…touch your face?"

Rukia was surprised but was not startled. She gradually smiled, knowing that Ichigo understood what she wrote. She touched Ichigo's hand that grabbed her arm and pulled his hand to her face until his palm cupped her face. Ichigo was amazed when he felt Rukia's cheek. It was so soft. He caressed her cheek with his thumb. He never did touch her gently before and it felt really wonderful. He raised his other hand up and cupped the other side of her face. Her face was so small that both his hands could wrap around and touch each other.

Using both his hands, he felt for her hair that bent at the shoulders and a strand that fell over her face. He felt for her short eyebrows and large eyes. He felt for her tiny nose and finally to her soft lips. His thumb brushed slowly across her lips, leaving his thumb at the corner and he felt her shiver under the touch. He couldn't help but smirk at her reaction.

Rukia was blushing furiously by now. She knew she was the one who allowed him to touch her face, but she never knew it would be so gentle. She wondered how long it had been since she was touched so tenderly. When she opened her eyes (she had them closed the entire time Ichigo was touching her face), she found Ichigo's hazel eyes looking back at hers. His expression was soft, just like that moment when she was disappearing out of his sight.

"Ichi…" Her words trailed off when Ichigo's face moved closer towards hers. She couldn't breathe. Ichigo's lips stopped about a centimeter away from hers. The _shinigami_ could feel his warm breath blowing on her face.

"Ichi-," Rukia started again but was broke off by Ichigo's lips. The ex-_shinigami_ had connected his lips to hers. Rukia's eyes widened and she thought she was going to suffocate soon. After a few seconds of connection, Ichigo broke the kiss.

Ichigo opened his eyes. Looking at where he thought Rukia's eyes were, he called out.

"Rukia."

He knew Rukia was still in shock. She didn't move a muscle. He didn't know why he wanted to do that. It made him feel that Rukia was real, that she was right in front of him. He wanted to feel much more of her. But he wasn't going to force her. He would stop if she rejects. Then, he stroked her cheek again.

Rukia's mind wasn't working. She had stood there taken aback for a while before Ichigo's caress brought her back to reality again. She looked straight into his eyes. She didn't know what to do. After much thought, she reached up to his arm and pulled it off her face. She knew she shouldn't have let him touch her. She shouldn't have given him hope. She released it and begun to walk off.

Ichigo's arms went in front of her and pulled her back into an embrace. His head rested on her shoulder.

"Don't go," Ichigo pleaded into her ear.

Rukia didn't struggle and allowed Ichigo to hug her tightly.

"If…you're here. Let me feel you. I want to feel you…with my heart."

Rukia felt her eyes burnt. Her resolve broke so easily by his words. She cautiously twisted her body and cupped Ichigo's face with her tiny palm. Ichigo's eyelids slid close at the contact, savoring Rukia's warmth on his skin. Then she kissed him. Ichigo kissed back lightly, slowly sucking on her lips. His hands moved up to grab her head and back, forcing her closer. It was intoxicating. His tongue flicked at Rukia's mouth, asking for entrance. The petite _shinigami_ opened willingly and his tongue plunged in at once, savoring her mouth. Soon, they were fighting for dominance. They only parted occasionally for breath and Ichigo was having problems now that his neck was starting to hurt due to the height difference. He finally broke their kiss, stood straight up and twisted his neck.

"H-Hey, Rukia!" He panted. "C-Can't you grow any taller?"

And he earned a kick in the shin. "AH…" He groaned in pain, bending down to soothe it.

"_Tawakke_! Why don't you use your brains instead of criticizing my height!" Rukia chided. Then she remembered that he couldn't hear and sighed heavily.

Ichigo looked forward. He couldn't see where she was so he waved his hands in front, searching for her until he caught her knee. Slowly, he moved his hands to the side of her body and slide up to her thighs, waist, chest, shoulders then neck, standing up as his hands moved. Rukia couldn't help but tremble at the touch. Swiftly, he scooped Rukia's small frame into his arms in the bridal way where she gave a yelp that he couldn't hear, and placed her on his bed. He cautiously placed his hands beside her head and knees beside her thighs, towering over her.

It was…

It was weird! He felt like a psycho pinning somebody he imagined down on his bed. He needed to get the thought out of his mind. Rukia stared at Ichigo who was making weird faces to himself. She was about to hit him in the head again when he suddenly left the bed.

"Hey! Ichigo!" Rukia shouted.

She watched as Ichigo went over to his cardboard beside the bed and opened the lowest drawer. She took the chance to take off her _tabi_ and _waraji_ and placed them under his bed. She watched him rummaged through his clothes. Then finally he pulled out a small black towel. Rukia blinked, confused. Ichigo walked back to the side of his bed and tied the towel over his eyes. He smirked. Rukia stared with eyes that said 'what was that smirk for…'

"Rukia?" Ichigo reached out. Rukia held his hand and dragged it to her face. Ichigo found her lips and instantly crashed his lips to hers. This time their kiss was rough, filled with need. Ichigo pushed Rukia back on the bed without breaking their kiss. He moved his body to tower over hers. His mouth left her lips and travelled to her chin, kissing along her jaw to her ear. He nibbled gently on her earlobe and Rukia moaned, not that he knew. He flicked his tongue over her ear once before he moved on to her neck. His hands were moving all over Rukia's body, wanting to feel her.

One of Rukia's hands rested in his orange hair and the other on his muscular chest. She could feel Ichigo's hands on her thigh and stomach, caressing her. She whimpered when Ichigo bit on her neck, leaving a mark. Then his mouth went lower and stopped when he felt cloth blocking her skin. His hands searched for the _obi_ and promptly loosened it, casting the _obi_ to the side where it landed on the floor. Rukia gasped when Ichigo pulled her _kosode _togther with her _shitagi_, revealing her chest and stomach.

It was really unfortunate that Ichigo couldn't see how beautiful she was, lying underneath him. But Ichigo used his sense of touch to compensate that. Finally able to move his lips down, he kissed his way down the valley of her chest and ultimately reached her right nipple where he sucked tenderly. Rukia arched her back in pleasure, moaning Ichigo's name. Although he couldn't hear, the tightening grip on his hair and tugging on his pajamas shirt indicated that Rukia loved it. He was getting harder thinking of how Rukia was screaming for him as she responded. Using his right hand, he squeezed her left breast and pinched her nipple. Rukia arched her back again, wrapped her legs around Ichigo's waist and yanked at his collar, trying to get his shirt off.

"Rukia…" Ichigo groaned, his mouth leaving her nipple when Rukia grinded against his manhood. He glided his lips against her skin and found his way to her lips to capture it with his again. He broke the kiss shortly and knelt back up, leaving Rukia shivering, unsheltered from the cold air. He quickly unfastened the buttons on his shirt and threw his shirt behind him before he covered Rukia on all fours again.

Rukia took in the sight of his muscular body. It was full of scars here and there but it was still gorgeous. Using both her hands, she brushed downwards across his chest, his nipples and slowly down his muscular abs. Ichigo groaned at the sensation which went straight down, making him even harder.

"Rukia…" He moaned before he found his way to her neck and nibbled on her skin. His hands found their way to her hakama and pulled them off with the help of Rukia lifting her legs. He went to nibble on Rukia's ear as she tugged at the hem of his pants impatiently.

"Yes, I know… Don't be so anxious, Rukia," Ichigo breathed huskily into Rukia's ear before giving her cheek a lick. He moved on to kiss her while his hand went down to massage her sensitive area. Rukia groaned into Ichigo's mouth at the sensation and bucked against his palm. He rubbed a few more times before entering a finger into her. Rukia gripped on his shoulders. He pushed in and out a few times before entering another finger which caused Rukia to moan and grip even tighter. He did the same for two fingers, preparing Rukia. It didn't take long for Rukia to begin rocking against his fingers.

After a while, Ichigo finally broke away from Rukia and stood up at the side of his bed to take off his pants and briefs. He was on top of her in no time to kiss her senseless again. Rukia broke the kiss shortly to bite on his neck, emitting a moan from his throat. Her hands moved their way down his body until they reached his throbbing shaft where Rukia quickly wrapped her hands over. Ichigo groaned loudly at that, calling Rukia's name. A sense of satisfaction overcame her as she continued pumping, hearing her name over and over.

"Ha… R-Rukia… Stop…" Ichigo panted, knowing that he was reaching his limit. Rukia let go and lied back on the bed, spreading her legs wide. Ichigo moved his body carefully, holding on to Rukia's thighs and situated his erection at her opening.

"Rukia… Ar-ahh!" Ichigo inhaled deeply when Rukia bucked her hips, so that his tip penetrated her. Rukia knew what he was going to ask and was irritated. If she really didn't want it, she wouldn't even be here in the first place so the question was really redundant.

"_Tawakke!_" She chided, tossing the textbook that was beside her, on to his head. Ichigo swiped the textbook away and prepared himself again.

"Don't regret…" He smirked and pushed in slowly. Rukia groaned and grabbed the sheets so hard that her knuckles were turning white. Ichigo groaned her name as he push in further, squeezing her thighs. She was so tight, he was afraid that he would break her. Pulling out, he thrust in harder this time until his entire length was within her walls. Rukia gritted her teeth in pain.

Ichigo knew it was painful for Rukia so he stopped moving while he waited for her to recover. It took him his entire human mind to prevent him from slamming into Rukia again. As the pain subsided, Rukia bucked her hips, wanting Ichigo to move. Ichigo complied almost instantly as he thrust again and again, growling deep in his throat. Rukia wrapped her arms around Ichigo's neck and legs over his waist so that he penetrated even deeper in her. It wasn't long before Ichigo found her sensitive spot and thrust faster and faster over it. Rukia moaned his name loudly and her nails scratched his back. Gradually the black towel slipped off Ichigo's eyes due to thrusting movements and landed on Rukia's chest. Ichigo suddenly stopped thrusting when he saw nothing underneath him, stupefied. Rukia saw distress in his eyes as he continued staring. She grabbed the towel and covered his eyes, this time, she held on to the ends, preventing it from falling. Then she rocked her hips, telling him to continue. It took some time for Ichigo's animal instinct to take over again and begun thrusting.

"Rukia…"

Ichigo couldn't think straight anymore as he got near to his peak and begun slamming into Rukia harder and faster. Rukia could only moan as Ichigo thrust in and out of her continuously and his sudden pinch on her nipple finally took her over the edge. The orgasm of Rukia brought Ichigo to his climax as well. He growled Rukia's name loudly and bit at Rukia's neck leaving another lover's bite, continuing to thrust until his orgasm fade out. The black towel had fallen on Rukia's chest again.

Ichigo lied gently on Rukia, unwilling to move from his position but eventually pulled out of her and collapsed next to her, panting.

"W-Why…didn't you…v-visit me earlier…" Ichigo gasped in between breaths, eyes still closed. Rukia glanced at him. She took the black towel to cover his face before snuggling to him. He muttered thanks and hugged her tight to him. There was silence while she thought about what to say then she took his hand and wrote on his palm.

_Since you can't and there is no need see us anymore, I should let you return to your normal human life._

"Erm… can you write that again?" Ichigo asked. He had trouble understanding what she wrote and asked her to repeat a few words in that sentence until she was ready to hit him.

"Sorry, sorry… I didn't mean it." He smiled. Then he turned serious again. "So you only visited me today?"

_Yah. I really didn't want to disturb you._

Ichigo understood the words better now. "Then why are you here today?"

Rukia paused before she wrote.

_I was concerned._

And Ichigo smirked as he thought Rukia was probably blushing now. And she was.

"I need you," he tightened his hug. "Stay with me."

_But I'm a _shinigami_. You're human. I'm dead. You're alive. Forget about me and move on._

"I can't! Don't say that again!" Ichigo yelled suddenly, then he thought about it. "I mean, don't write that again!"

_Nii-sama won't allow. Soul Society won't allow._

"I-!" Ichigo couldn't continue. He was about to scream that he would fight them off just like how he saved her last time, but he remembered that he no longer have the power.

_I'll visit. I'm sure they'll allow me to visit._

Ichigo didn't have a choice but to agree. "Ok… I'll go with that for now. But can you stay till morning?"

Rukia smiled. _Sure._

"Next time you visit…can you use your gigai? I want to see you," Ichigo caressed her hair. Rukia didn't write back but she snuggled closer and Ichigo knew she'd definitely use it.

* * *

Outside…

"HEY! LET ME IN! IDIOT ICHIGO! _NEE-SAN_!" Kon yelled outside the window.

_

* * *

_

_Shinigami_- soul reaper

_Nee-san_- Older sister

_Tawakke_- something similar to idiot (Rukia's pet phrase)

_Bakamono_- Idiot

_Obi_- Sash

_Kosode_- Japanese robe

_Shitagi_- clothing worn underneath the _Kosode_

_Tabi_- Traditional Japanese socks

_Waraji_- sandals made with straw ropes

_Nii-sama_- Older brother (formal)

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Kindly let me know if there are any mistakes :)


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